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Chapter 19 ~ A hand or a messed mind
Athena
A
“That’s how forgettable you are.”
The words echo in my mind, slicing through the silence of my car. Over and over, they replay, like a cruel melody stuck on a loop,
each repetition heavier than the last.
I grip the steering wheel tighter, knuckles turning white, but it does nothing to steady the trembling in my hands.
–
It’s been thirty minutes thirty long, suffocating minutes – and I’m still here, parked in the same spot, unable to step out of
my car.
I barely slept a wink last night. I thought tears would help but they just made it even worse because I woke up with a pounding
head.
As I sit here, my chest feels too small for the ache inside it, like I’m trying to swallow a scream that refuses to come out. The air
feels too thick, the car too quiet — the only sound is my uneven breathing, breaking the silence in shaky gasps.
It’s at this point when I miss my mother. I wish she was still alive so I could tell her everything while she hugged all the pain
away. But even that is a dream too far–fetched.
Did someone curse happiness from my life?
I have no one I can rely on. My aunt and uncle only see a bank in me and my cousins are even worse. My parents were the most
kind and brought people together but I guess they only showed up because of what they could get from them because ever since
they died, no one has ever reached out.
Even when I was getting married. Only my Uncle and Aunt showed up and all they kept saying was how much I needed to be
sending them every week now that I was married to the richest family.
Tears I’ve been holding back begin to fall and I feel so alone. So broken and so lost.
Should I get therapy?
Would that help me feel better?
Because right now I feel like I’m losing my mind and I want to be a better person so I can serve my patients well.
I blink, but the tears burn at the corners of my eyes, blurring the dashboard into a mess of colors. I bite the inside of my cheek,
hard, hoping the sting will pull me out of this abyss but all it does is add another layer to the pain.
An hour.
I have an exam in an hour.
I should be focusing
–
running through questions, definitions, anything – but all I can think about is him. His voice. That cold
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Chapter 19
A hand or a messed mind
way he looked at me. The way he said it, with a disgusted look like I was a mistake not even worth remembering.
Forgettable.
Is that really what I am?
What do you do when no matter what you
do
you never fit in?
ZU DUINUS
My aunt always told me I was living beyond my means and should be humble simply because I would try to do better. I remember how they would laugh and say I wouldn’t amount to anything but a drug addict. It hurt but I used it as fuel to study hard. I got through that and entered into pre–med school where I met Giana.
But how am I failing to pull through this?
I thought nothing would crack me but I guess a heartbreak is bound to leave you bleeding out in the cold.
“You’re nothing special..” His voice echoes.
I guess I’m a girl who’s just… there. The one he can barely stand to look at. A placeholder until he can finally be free of me.
I press my forehead against the steering wheel, squeezing my eyes shut. My heart pounds – not with anger, but with the kind of hurt that gnaws at the edges of your soul, the kind that whispers ugly truths you didn’t want to believe.
He doesn’t care.
He never did.
And maybe… maybe he never will.
But I have a life.
And that’s a good start.
I have to move.
My exam starts in less than an hour, and no matter how much my heart feels like it’s been wrung dry, I can’t let him ruin this too.
With a shaky breath, I wipe at my face, erasing the evidence of my breakdown. I check the mirror–red–rimmed eyes, blotchy
cheeks – but I smooth my expression and apply some concealer to cover the dark circles, forcing myself into something alive
and human.
Forgettable or not, I still have a life outside of him.
I step out of the car, my legs feeling like lead, and start walking toward the exam hall. Each step feels heavier than the last, but I
keep moving – one foot in front of the other – trying to drown out the pain.
I pull my bag tighter against my shoulder and head toward the stairs leading to the exam hall.
Focus Athena.
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Three more papers.
I’m almost there.
Then-
A hand.
From nowhere reaches forward and shoves me from behind.
I barely register what is happening before I fall.
Time seems to slow, the concrete steps rushing toward me, and I throw out my hands to break the impact, but it’s too late.
Pain explodes through me as I crash against the stairs – my knees scraping, my shoulder slamming hard. My bag spills open,
papers flying in every direction, but all I can hear is the ringing in my ears.
For a moment, I just lie there, the world spinning.
I try to turn my head but my eyes feel dizzy and heavy before everything goes black.
The every woman Author
Thank you for reading! Hi Ruthie, updates are two chapters everyday except Sundays.
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