When Dad’s affair was exposed, my parents took their divorce battle to court.

They had two children, so the judge decided each of them should take one.

Neither of them hesitated. They both chose my sister.

The judge hesitated instead and asked my sister to decide.

Fiona stood there in her little designer princess dress, our father on one side, our mother on the other.

Dad made his offer first. “Fiona, pick me. I can give you a better life. Haven’t you always wanted a new tablet? I’ll get you one tomorrow.”

Mom noticed her shivering, took off her scarf, and wrapped it around her gently. “Fiona, you should stay with me. If your dad remarries, what will you do with a stepmother?”

And just like that, they started arguing again.

I stood in the corner, forgotten. A strange sense of awkwardness crept up on me, so I pulled up the zipper of my school jacket. The thin, faded fabric did nothing against the cold, and the wind slipped right through.

The courtroom was in chaos. Voices clashed.

Finally, the judge lost patience. He turned to them. “Neither of you wants custody of your eldest daughter?”

The room fell silent. An eerie, unnatural stillness.

My parent’s gazes flickered, shifting uncomfortably. They didn’t want to seem unfair, but they also didn’t want to be the one stuck with me. They hesitated, stalling for time.

Now, everyone was staring at me. My throat tightened. I lowered my head, hoping no one would notice the ugly scars on my face.

Then Fiona spoke, leaving the matter to me. “Why don’t you choose first, sis?”

The judge gave me an encouraging nod. “Who do you want to live with, Jolene?”

My parents looked at me, tense, as if afraid I might pick one of them.

I couldn’t shrink back into silence anymore. I lowered my head and took my time before whispering, “I choose…”

I hesitated.

“Can I go to an orphanage instead?” I asked softly.

…

I never got to choose my parents, but now, I wanted to choose not to have them at all.

I would rather be an orphan.

Better that than living as a failed experiment.

When I was one, my parents were busy building their careers. They sent me to my grandma in the countryside and didn’t take me back until four years later—only when Fiona had learned to talk.

They say children who are separated from their parents early may struggle to form close relationships. Maybe that’s why I grew up distant, unable to be affectionate.